The alternaview

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The Strength in Understanding Your Weakness(es)

It is by no means a revelation that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Despite the fact that many people consider weaknesses a shortcomings and are reluctant to admit they have any, the alternaview is that there is actually strength and power in being able to identify your weaknesses. People would be way more effective and successful if they honestly owned up to weaknesses.

Why?

When you identify your own weaknesses and are open to tapping into the strengths of others, you can exponentially increase your effectiveness in anything you are trying to do.

3 Reasons You should Do This:

1. Determination of Personal Development Areas
• By owning up to areas where you can grow and develop, you can actually focus on strengthening yourself in those areas where you can improve. It is not that you don’t understand and appreciate your strengths, but rather that you value and tap into the strengths of others.

2. Identification of weaknesses
• Allows you to understand the support and assistance you will need to compliment your weaknesses. It is like you are filling in the gaps and making sure that you are adding the right people to your team that can assist you with what you are trying to accomplish.

3. Appreciation of others
• You are able to see the value in others and appreciate their presence and assistance. You can appreciate the diversity of ideas and talent that different types of people bring into your life and have feelings of gratitude.

So, the next time you are feeling the best approach is to cover up your weaknesses, remember that if we have the right perspective about weaknesses, they can actually be used to our advantage…this is the alternaview.

Nobody’s Perfect

We are all most likely familiar with the understanding that “no one is perfect”. However, does that understanding help you give people the benefit of the doubt when you discover they are not perfect?

The reality is that we all have idiosyncrasies (present company…me…definitely included). Despite the reality though that nobody is perfect, are we able to take this to heart and really understand what that means?

The alternaview suggests that instead of allowing yourself to focus on character flaws an individual may have, and determining that these flaws define the person; we should instead focus on the fact that people are multidimensional and have different strengths and weaknesses. I know I have been guilty of only seeing certain people’s weaknesses (mostly because they were so apparent and were jumping up in my face) and then determining that those weaknesses prevented that person from being able to be anything other than terrible.

However, I have come to see that nobody is perfect and if we genuinely understand people have both good and bad things about them, it will be easier to not solely focus on those traits we consider bad at the exclusion of other good traits. As a result, we will be more apt to see and appreciate those aspects of a person that will allow us to see them in a different light.

Some Things to Remember:

1. You have to take the “bad” traits along with the “good” ones, but you can choose to focus only on the good.

• It is not that you are looking through rose colored glasses, bur rather that you are being a realist and understanding that the vast majority of people are going to have good and bad things about their personality. As long as we are focusing on the “good”, we are just going to feel better about that person in the end.

2. You also are made up of both “good” traits and “ bad” traits.

• It is always easier to understand things when we personally experience them ourselves. We all have both good and bad character traits, but what makes the real distinction between people who seem “better” than others is how dialed up are our bad traits and are they overshadowing our good ones?

3. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

• Yes, it may be cliché, but that doesn’t make it any less true. It can be difficult to overlook people’s challenging traits, especially when some of their behaviors or actions either directly or indirectly affect us, but it is something we need to continually try to do. We may not successfully be able to do it 100% of the time, but every time we try, we get better and better at it until eventually it becomes easier.

So, the next time you are focusing on someone and all you can see is your frustration and their issues, remember that there is always something better you can focus on and improve your perception of the person…this is the alternaview.

Life is like a box of Chocolates…Or is it?

Forest Gump coined a phrase that life is like a box of chocolates and you just don’t know what you are going to get. It is easy to buy in to that point of view because many times it just feels we are not in control of our lives and are at the mercy of the things and situations that life throws our way. I mean can you really control what comes into your life?

The alternaview is that although you may not be able to control every detail of life, you are more in control than it may appear. The challenge is figuring out what it is that you can actually influence and then determining the best way to positively impact those things. As a general rule, the more positive our thoughts and actions are the better things just seem to work out in life.

Three important things we can control that will definitely have an impact include:

1. Thoughts about people.
• We can choose how we view people and what we think of them. Often times giving people the benefit of the doubt and genuinely trying to see things from their perspective can really help you view them in a positive light.

2. Thoughts about life and challenges.
• We can choose how we view the challenges and issues that arise in our lives. We can get really upset and allow things to get the best of us or we can understand that everything we encounter does have a purpose. We can choose to take issues head on and positively take away the lesson or message we are supposed to.

3. Decisions and actions.
• We can choose to continually make good decisions about things both big and small. We can focus on and choose to always try and do the right thing. We can choose how we interact with and treat other people.

By taking control of those things that we can, such as our thoughts and actions, we are able to have an impact on what comes in and out of our lives. You essentially are either moving forward, sideways or backwards in life and the things you do and the thoughts you have impact your direction. There is a strong correlation between what you think and do and which direction you are moving. If your thoughts and actions are all positive, you are most likely moving in a forward direction.

So, it is not that life and the circumstances that arise are completely beyond control, but rather that it is important to understand and learn to control those things that are collectively working together to either directly or indirectly affect our lives and our reality…this is the alternaview.

“Evertyhing Proceeds by an Orderly Sequence of Growth”

The Current News:

(www.cnn.com) Obama made health-care reform a central theme of his presidential campaign and promised not only to achieve universal health care in his first term, but also to cut the average family’s health care health-care costs by $2,500.

“I suffer no illusions that this will be an easy process,” the president said.

The alternaview:

Regardless of what side of the debate you fall on, it is more than apparent that the healthcare debate is not going to be something that is resolved easily and quickly. Determining the future of healthcare is obviously important, but when I look at the debate and all the complexities and issues that must be resolved, I also see another important personal message and that is one of perseverance even when you hit roadblocks and encounter obstacles.

The debate on healthcare serves as a reminder to me that despite what challenges may arise and how many times you may hit a wall, you have to keep on pushing through, even though you may have plenty of reasons to give up and even though you may be uncertain exactly how the situation will ultimately play out.

We are unable to predict the precise steps on how something will proceed and that is why it is important to not become discouraged when things do not go exactly as planned. When obstacles and barriers arise, it may be difficult to see the big picture and that things are really falling into place. This is why it is so important to always have confidence in where we are going and commit to doing all that we can until we are successful.

It may mean things have to repositioned or even modified in some way so that we can successfully accomplish what we have been trying to do. We may have to compromise a little. That is all a part of the process and the journey and as long as we remain flexible and committed to our ultimate goal, eventually things will work out exactly as they should and fall into place.

This is what I am reminded of every time I hear more news about the healthcare debate. This alternaview is of particular interest to me today because I have been trying to push a project through at work that we have been developing for almost a year. So many people have invested so much of themselves along with time and energy into its creation. It really has been an exhausting process and we have hit just about every road block you could imagine. Tonight, I just found out that we have hit yet another one and if I am being honest, my initial reaction, was okay, perhaps it is time to throw into the towel.

After I relaxed a little and took a step back, I was able to see how my current predicament is really no different than what seems to be the endless back and forth with healthcare. Every so often you can see some progress being made and some steps being taken forward…and then you see obstacles arise and steps taken back. That is how the process proceeds and how things ultimately come to fruition. It actually brings to mind another project I worked on that had its many ups and downs, but after 2 years of persistence and dedication, it ultimately worked out the way it was supposed to in the end.

You can sometimes find reassurance that you are doing the right thing in the oddest places. The healthcare struggle has provided me with assurance that you do have to continue to move forward and be willing to do whatever else is necessary, even if it means going back to the drawing board. Although it would be easy to get discouraged by the length of the process and all the walls that seem to magically appear, we have to turn our attention to whatever motivates us to continue and realize the truth of that wise phrase by Thomas Troward… “Everything proceeds by an orderly sequence of growth”…this is the alternaview.

Understanding the Importance of Balance in Life

The Current News:

(www.msnbc.com) LONDON – International cancer experts have moved tanning beds and other sources of ultraviolet radiation into the top cancer risk category, deeming them as deadly as arsenic and mustard gas. A new analysis of about 20 studies concludes the risk of skin cancer jumps by 75 percent when people start using tanning beds before age 30.

The alternaview:

Is this statistic yet another reason to stay away from tanning beds? Definitely…but there is also another thing we can take away from this latest conclusion about the use of tanning beds increasing the chance of cancer. The alternaview…it is important to have balance with everything you do in life.

Now admittedly this is anecdotal, but I would venture to say the majority of people who frequent tanning booths are sun gods that are probably tanning a little too much. I would even go so far as to say that some people who are routinely going to tanning booths have allowed tanning to get somewhat out of balance in their lives. And, we all know when things are out of balance in life, it is usually when we see out of sync things appear.

Yes, tanning beds and their detrimental impact are to blame for this statistic, but we should also take note of another correlation that has to do with allowing things to get out of balance in our lives and be overdone. We all have seen those people who work too much, smoke too much, diet all the time, drink way too much alcohol, or overdo something else in their lives. In the vast majority of instances, these people eventually see things appear in their lives, including illnesses and other undesired things.

It is not that we shouldn’t be able to do things in life we desire or feel are necessary, but rather that we should always make certain we aren’t over doing things and taking them to the extreme. Life is all about balance and this statistic serves as a reminder regardless of whether or not we go to tanning booths…this is the alternaview.

Playing Golf…An Opportunity to Quiet the Mind?

When most people think of playing golf, it is all about their swing, their score, putting, etc. I don’t know that many people go to play golf and believe they are going to have a calming experience. Golf can be pretty frustrating if you allow it to be because it is definitely a game of precision and accuracy. The slightest wrong angle, swing, or bend in the arm results in an awful shot.

Despite all these factors about the game of golf, one of the best things it offers to those who play it is often overlooked, and that is the ability to quiet the mind. You literally have to intensely focus when you are playing on what you are doing and where you are aiming. This intense focus on your game means you can’t focus on all the other things that may continually run through your mind (i.e. problems, issues, work, things to do, etc.). This is a good thing…actually, this is a great thing. It allows you to calm your mind and restore it to a condition of calmness while you are out on the golf course.

If you are doing it right and focusing on your game, golf requires all of your attention which means your mind is quiet. Despite the fact that golfers may not even realize what is going on, this automatic quieting of the mind, is probably why they enjoy playing so frequently and are often times addicted to it. Yes, they may enjoy the sport, but they also enjoy (and possibly more) the calming benefits that come out of it when it is played beautifully.

We can find a quiet mind in places we wouldn’t ordinarily look and golf serves as the perfect example of that reality. We just have to look at situations and opportunities a little differently and take advantage of everything they have to offer…this is the alternaview.

Consumer Confidence…What else it show us

The Current News:

(www.msnbc.com) NEW YORK – Americans are looking past the stock market surge and signs of a stabilizing economy and focusing on something more personal — job worries. The confidence index fell to 46.6, down from 49.3 in June and weaker than what economists were expecting. It takes a reading above 90 to signal Americans believe the economy is on solid footing.

The alternaview:

I had never really heard that much about the consumer confidence index until the most recent financial meltdown. There is a lot of media attention given to this confidence index and the index obviously plays a significant role when it comes to the economic outlook. The index is all about rating peoples’ confidence level and when the index dips, the stock market usually takes a hit and it is major news.

It is apparent that until the confidence of consumers returns, the economy will continue to face challenges. We were able to see the impact of a lack of consumer confidence when it hit an all time low and everything literally froze in the economy. The current focus is on consumer confidence index and its implications on the economy, but when I step back a little and take another look…I have another takeaway message (which is a good thing because it is probably best that I leave the economic analysis to the economists).

The correlation between an increased level of consumer confidence and a successful economy serves to me as a reminder that confidence is highly correlated to success and accomplishments, not only when it comes to the economy, but also for us personally. Now I realize this is not a major revelation and people speak about having confidence all the time, but do we really focus on the the integral role it plays to success? Without confidence in our actions and what we are trying to do, things just do not function and work out the way they are supposed to. The vast majority of people have goals, desires, and things they are trying to accomplish, but only some people see their dreams become a reality, while other people either get frustrated and desert their goals.

Some people are watching things consistently fall into place and are successful entrepreneurs, actors, athletes, students or company executives. They are living out their dreams and creating new ones that will come into existence. A high level of confidence is one of those interesting character traits that is a common denominator and these people have managed to develop the threshold amount that is required to be successful. They exude confidence, but are not arrogant (a very important distinction, because there are also other things at play when it comes to success). They have the utmost confidence in themselves and their ability to make things happen. As a result, they are always reaching for the stars and accomplishing more and more. These types of people are driven and persistent and confidence serves as their solid foundation.

Things just tend to fall apart when confidence is lacking (i.e. the economy) and it is not something you can fake. You know when you genuinely have it, and you know when you are just kind of faking it. It is one of those necessary links in the chain and the more of it that is present, the easier it is to be successful and accomplish whatever it is we are trying to do.

So, when we hear about the consumer confidence level, perhaps we should audit our own confidence levels and make certain it is not holding us back and that we are not allowing doubts and excuses to pull down our average. I think we have to consistently ensure we are always increasing our confidence and if we are lacking confidence or if our confidence is not as strong as it should be, we have got to determine what we need to do to increase it as soon as possible. We have got to get our personal confidence index level up in order to be successful with whatever it is we are trying to do. Without it, we will continue to just plug along and have some success from time to time, but will never really do exactly what we desire and are capable of accomplishing. This is what I am reminded of every time I hear about the consumer confidence index level…this is the alternaview.

Living the alternaview: Choosing our own Reality

How many times have we been told we have to work with the hand that life deals us? It often times seems we can’t create our own realities and control what we are exposed to and how we are impacted by life because so many things happen around us we simply can’t control.

One of the best discoveries and alternaviews is that we actually are able to create our own realities. We may not be able to perfectly plan and control every single aspect of our lives (and honestly, that would not really be desirable anyway), but we are able to control a lot more than we think. The challenge comes in understanding this and then taking control of those things that are well within our reach. The greatest thing about all of this is once we begin to control those variables we can and should control, what we are exposed to continually changes…and ultimately our reality improves and reflects what we want it to.

Some things we can for sure control: (this list is by no means exhaustive)

Reality #1: We get to choose how things impact us

Although it sometimes feels the only option is to allow our emotions to control us, we are actually able to choose how we react to things in our lives. We can choose to really experience a sunset or we can just decide it is an everyday thing and allow it to come and go. We can get annoyed with the driver that cuts us off, irritated with the co-worker that always makes the wrong decision, angry with the person who treated us badly… or we can stay calm, understand the presence of these negative emotions and allow them to rise to the surface until they just naturally pass through our system (believe it or not, if you acknowledge the presence of these negative emotions, but disallow yourself to get entangled in their drama, in time they will just evaporate). We can get upset when things happen that we classify as bad, or we can accept and manage through the waves of life. When it is all said and done, we get to choose how things impact us, we just have to be disciplined enough with our thinking to control our reactions and emotions.

Reality #2: We get to choose how we experience life.

How we interact with our friends and family. How we appreciate the little things. How we have fun, how we work, how we play. We get to choose if we will reserve that personal time for ourselves (if you are one of those people that think there is not enough time in the day, take another look…there is always some extra time somewhere, you just have to take a closer look and find it…for me it meant waking up a little earlier, which was not ideal at first, but each day gets easier). We get to choose if we will reserve time to go on vacation or do other things that allow us to get away from our normal routine. We get to choose if we will laugh at those things we find funny, smile at people we meet, and devote some time to those things that just make us happy.

Reality #3: We get to choose the things we put into our minds.

We get to choose what books we read, what types of television shows we watch and the news we read. We are able to choose our own music, art, and the vast majority of things we are exposed to. What we decide to focus on impacts our everyday life and experience. Sometimes we underestimate the true impact of what we consume and just focus on those things that are right in front of us. However, we can choose what is in front of us and what we decide to focus on impacts our everyday life. Check out these sites if you haven’t found them already (Zen Habits, Good News Network, illuminated mind).

So, the question is…what do we do with that power and control we have over our own reality. If we just focus on ensuring we are consistently and positively impacting our own perceptions, feelings and what we are exposing ourselves to, we really will be able to impact our own realities. The challenge is not in being able to actually control these things, but rather in understanding, and repeatedly choosing to do so…this is the alternaview.

Living the alternaview: Do we just let it go?

The Situation:
Imagine you had dropped off an expensive piece of clothing at the dry cleaner and they managed to somehow destroy it. It would seem to be a no brainer that any business owner would understand the only way to resolve this issue would be to give you a check for the replacement value of the piece of clothing.

However, imagine for some strange reason the business owner decides he is only going to repay you for 1/3rd of the replacement value. Also, imagine you had been routinely going to this same dry cleaner for the last eight years and had developed a good relationship with the owner. Wouldn’t that make the situation even more odd??? This is the predicament my friend Wendy found herself in and I am sure you can imagine she was a little irate.

She essentially had 3 choices as to how she could respond:

1. Take legal action to recover the full value of her piece of clothing.
2. Accept the check for 1/3rd of the cost.
3. Take a stance from a principle perspective, refuse to accept the check and prove a point to the business owner.

The alternaview:

Option #2 is the best resolution and if executed properly, will give the most peace of mind the quickest. In situations similar to this, where one person is just clearly not choosing to do the right thing (I mean who on earth would give up a customer of 8 years over one piece of clothing?) it is so easy to get entangled in the emotional frustration that naturally surfaces.

Many people that find themselves in this situation will immediately become angry at the business owner. Being negatively impacted by irrational decisions of others can be one of the most challenging things to have to tolerate. Nevertheless, it is soooo the way to go. You just can’t let people take mental space in your mind because they have chosen to do something that you think (or in this case, know) is wrong.

No matter the situation, your number one goal has to consistently be to maintain your own peace of mind and not allow people or situations to take up unnecessary space. It is not that you are allowing people to walk all over you, but rather that you are choosing to protect your own peace of mind over making a point to them (that they most likely will either not hear, agree with or even understand).

Now many people may think they need to prove a point to the business owner (waste of energy and time) or release their own frustration by arguing their point (bigger waste of energy and time). The reality is that neither of these things do anything positive for you in the long run. Also, at the end of the day you are only talking about a piece of clothing. We have to pick our battles and only in those most serious of situations do we even consider doing something other than letting it go. You do take the check for the reduced value (I mean why not take the check, you might as well recover some of your loss), find yourself a new dry cleaner and move on…this is the alternaview.